He said...

I feel like this is a bad sign.  It concerns me.  He said I am disppointed in him.  He said he can tell by the way I look at him.

It cant be good that he feels that way?  Is it the depression, is it the mad rush our lives seem to be at the moment, or is it the start of something momentous?

I am fairly certain Im not disappointed in him.  Not in the broad sense anyway.  Sometimes i might be a little disappointed that he didnt put dinner on when I am late home, or if he forgot something important.  But thats all normal shit right?

Not this soul crushing "you are so disappointed with me".  I'm not.  I love him.  He is a good man and a wonderful father.  Such a wonderful father that I doubt my abilities as a mother.  I know he can do it all and I have severe doubts that I could do half of it alone.

We are a bit apart at the moment.  Always tired, always up too late doing dishes and lunches and washing and drying.  I am a zombie most nights and am asleep before I hit the pillow.  Seems like we have someone coming over or a task to do all the time.  Be nice to just sit and drink a cup of tea together.  Connect again.

We used to drive around in the car, talking, listening to music, singing.  We would park up somewhere pretty and get stoned.  We would sit around the living room chatting about random things.  Friends visited, laughed.  We laughed.  Then we grew up.

I need to connect again.  Not with Bubble Guppies on Nick Jnr behind me, and a child in the highchair pouring juice over her uneaten broccoli.  Without the pressure of a mile high pile of laundry to put away that I rummage through every morning to find a pair of pants.
Fuck the dishes.  Lets stay in love.