And it continues...

So, I am currently in a crap assed mood and I'm not sure what I can do about it.
I don't know exactly what it relates to either.
Is it because my weekend has flown by in the blink of an eye?
Is it because I am a weeny bit homesick?
Is it because I'm bored?
Is it, and I hate to admit this is the most likely scenario, is it because I got stoned out of my brain on Friday night, used up all my smiles and scared myself that I could actually still like it so damn much?
It was like coming home, it was like visiting an old friend, it was like chemical bliss.
Grinning like a banshee.
After my year of abstinence, I sucked it back with gleeful abandon, I chugged away like a lil steamboat, and fruck, I liked it, no, I loved it. I wanted to buy it and do it everyday of my life. I wanted more. For later.

I was smiling like an idiot, toothy grins in the street light. All of a sudden, I felt relaxed for what felt like the first time ever, I felt like me again, and I realised I hadn't known I was missing from my life.
It's insane. After all this time, living without it, why did it feel so familiar, so safe?
It gives me a blanket, a security blanket to hide beneath, and what scares me the most, is all I want to do now is hide.

From everything.

And a sigh escapes me. Nothing interests me right now, I can't write, I can't feel, think or concentrate.
All I want to do is be depressed and alone.
I'm even bored with that. The dissatisfaction is immense.
Nothing is good, nothing is right, and my flag of freedom, has slipped down the flagpole.

Wonder if I'll see my crush tomorrow, who I still incidentally think I have a bit of a crush on.
Just a bit.
And things make me wonder.
wonderous.

What a beautiful life.

Perhaps it's me who needs to find myself.