conundrum

Can I spell?

Anyhoo, I have one, a conundrum, orrrrr maybe its just a big decision.
yes it is.
my tennancy end is looming, I think it's in two weeks now, and so I should be searching for somewhere to live. Instead, two rooms have fallen quite simply fallen into my lap. And now, now I must choose.

I can't choose, if someone asks me if I want a coffee I take a second longer than anyone else, and quite often make the wrong decision in that extra second anyway. I guess. Do I want a coffee? I don't know, um, yes. no, um, yes. yes.

coffee comes out, thanks, mmm. no I didn't really want a coffee, not at all.
I'll drink it to be polite.
Sometimes if I get me a latte, I realise once I have it, I don't actually want it.

Whats up with that?

So, There are two rooms available to me.
The first in Amy's house, the deposit is £100, and £65 a week. It is teeny. It has a single bed, built in wardrobe and some small drawers and that is all that fits. Nada else.
I don't know if I like the area all that much either. It's okay, it's fine, but I just don't know if I'm that comfortable with the vibe there.

Then theres Tray's house, a bigger room, a bit more expensive, at £340 a month. But it's about ten/fifteen minutes walk from town, so ultra close to town, and it's a big room, with cruisy cool landlords, and yeah. It becomes available the day I move out of my house.

so is that co-incidence orrrrr synchronisity?

Can I spell?


I don't know, but I think this little fly thing is cute in it's own wierd way.

If I were a fly, I'd want someone to tell me they loved me more than shit, wouldn't you?

It's like the fly equivalent.

Like I think I'm one of those people who needs reassurance that everythings okay, not just in love relationshits but in everything I do, and say, and I worry if I don't get my reassurance. It's like a highly addictive drug.

Oh a drug.
I miss a drug. A cure-all simple fix it solution. No, it wouldn't fix your life, but it'd make you care less about your issues and problems and worries.
It'd change your perceptions wouldn't it.
altered perceptions leading to a drug induced psychosis.

mmm, interesting.

Gosh, where do I mooove to? Where oh where has my little dog gone? Oh where oh where is he?

I hate packing.
Why do I have to move?

argh. hate moving, really hate it with a passion.
a passionate hate.
For some reason that reminded me of my porn. Do you know how dirty you feel sitting on a bus writing porn? Pretty dirrrty, believe you and me.
It was the strangest thing I have done in some time.

Why do some people have luck and some people don't?
My work colleague just came in and told me all about a woman who basically has had the worst few years ever, shes lost countless family members, has just found out her daughter has cancer of the bones, and lungs and that she is having an emergency cesaerian today, at 30 weeks.
her son has been mysteriously ill for 18 months, they don't know whats wrong with him, her parents died, her brother, her sister in law died. What do people do to deserve such things?

Is it some terrible deed in a past life? Or just bad luck?

Why?
that is the question of the world, and we've condensed it yet further, so it's almost insignificant, easy to pass by without noticing.
y.